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I thought coffee? No I already couldn't sleep hell I hadn't in days.The young lady was glad to take my order, saying I was her last and then she was going home. Smiling I thought good, she was young she deserved to get older. I ordered and waited, soon the food was here, the gnawing in my guts starting to hurt again.The young woman brought me the food and I thanked her and tipped her a hundred, her eyes wide as she left, its only money I said.Nodding as she walked out the door, I woofed the five plates of food in record time, hardly appeasing the pain I was feeling or the growing hunger. A minute later another older waitress came in, this one seemingly dissatisfied, mean, ill-tempered.I looked over the menu again trying to decide on what else to get, finally ready I started to order. The older waitress with her grey hair, wrinkled skin, age spot marked face threw me looks of suspicion. How was I going to pay for all of this, she needed to see proof before she could bring me any more. Iwas truthful and told her overall great, but part of it made me feelself-conscious - the wig. It felt like my hair was the wrong color.In a way wearing that wig made it so I was not being true to myself.My wig is blond and I am not a blond. I am a brunette. It just didnot feel right to have the wrong hair color. I know it is little andmaybe later I might try to experiment with being a redhead or ablond. No, not now. Now is not the time. I am trying to find my TrueNorth so it is not the right time to do anything but find the base ofwho I am. I can build on that foundation later, but not right now.This led to me talking about what I was wearing now bringing out whoI am more. I never did hide who I was, just never gave gender athought. I did not find it unusual to think I would so rock an outfita lady had on if I was a girl when growing up. I also thought how Iwould want my body if I was a girl. I wanted long legs, curvy hips,and be a little thick. I assumed all boys thought that way.
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